


Young and Menace

by infernalstars



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hockey, Bisexual Kevin Day, Canon-Typical Violence, Hockey, Kandreil - Freeform, M/M, Neil Josten is a Mess, Polyamory, Protective Andrew Minyard, Soft Neil Josten, i just read beartown fuck off
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:33:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25498405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/infernalstars/pseuds/infernalstars
Summary: The rink is empty. He stares out across the expanse of ice, eyes catching on the orange paw print in the center. How could you not notice it, bright and vibrant against the blue-white ice.orthe hockey au i wrote because the aftg love bots of twitter got upset when i said hockey was the best sport and because i just read beartown <3
Relationships: Kevin Day & Neil Josten, Kevin Day & Neil Josten & Andrew Minyard, Kevin Day/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 22
Kudos: 67





	1. On the Ice

**Author's Note:**

> howdy friends!
> 
> welcome to this hockey au! i personally really really love hockey and just read beartown so i projected that onto this fic.
> 
> no trigger warnings for this chapter (lmk if i should add any)
> 
> that's all i really have to say? enjoy the kandreil hockey au <333333

Neil Josten stares out at the ice. He’s cold, hands and toes numb but he doesn’t care. The rink is empty. He stares out across the expanse of ice, eyes catching on the orange paw print in the center. How could you not notice it, bright and vibrant against the blue-white ice. 

His mom rarely allowed him to skate. Rarely, but not never. 

Sometimes, their situation demanded that they be in a larger crowd and that his mom could use the rinks computer under the guise of needing directions. She would find the nearest motel, the nearest car rental, and figure out their next move. All the while Neil was free to skate. It was hard not keeping her on eye on him the whole time, but on the ice he could outskate anyone. 

Neil wondered if he had spent more time practicing instead of running if he’d have been faster than Kevin fucking Day. He was going to be top pick during his rookie year. It was a win for Palmetto, having Kevin Day on the team. Him and Riko were going to be top picks and everyone was holding their breath, wondering the same thing. 

Who was really first? 

It didn’t matter that the one was tattooed on Riko’s cheek. The stats showed Kevin was better, more skilled on the ice that Riko ever could dream to be, but Riko’s dad had all the money. So he was better. 

Neil looked down at his skates. When was the last time he was on the ice? 

His mother was alive then so it must have been at least a year. Most likely more. 

He pushed open the door and stepped onto the slick ice. He stumbled as he shut the door but was quick to recover, flying around the ice before going over and grabbing a hockey stick and some pucks. 

Neil lined them up at center ice, staring at the goal at the far end. He went down the line. One by one.

He did not miss a single shot. 

He stumbled a second time when a voice shouted at him across the rink. 

The stick clattered to the ice and he tripped over his feet. Standing by the home bench, coming out from the locker rooms was Kevin Day and Andrew Minyard. Both poised for the NHL. Both unparalleled in skill. Neil caught himself before he fell, heart hammering in his chest. 

“Who are you?” 

Kevin Day with the number two tattooed on his cheek waited impatiently for an answer. Neil watched Andrew clear out the net and wait for Kevin to start. 

“Um,” Neil managed.

“Spit it out,” Kevin said. 

“Neil Josten. I didn’t know you had practice. I can---”

“We don’t have practice. Technically. This is extra.” 

“I can--”

“You’re fast.” 

“I-Thank you,” Neil managed. 

He wanted to--no needs to--get as far away from Kevin as possible. Being recognized was the worst thing that could happen. He could hear his mom's voice yelling to run. 

Run. Run. Run. 

Kevin studied him, but he showed no recognition. He tilted his head to the side, glanced at Andrew behind Neil. Most people would never have put their backs to Andrew. He had a violent reputation. People warned not to mess with him. Neil didn’t feel particularly threatened by him. Maybe he was used to constantly being in danger.

“Are you good at defense?” 

“No. I don’t play.”

“Bullshit. Are you going to tell me it’s your first time on the ice too?” Kevin bit out.

Neil shook his head no. 

What was the point in lying to Kevin Day? 

“You aren’t on the team?” he asked. 

“I missed tryouts.” 

This was true. He’d shown up just a few days ago. He missed them by a week. 

“Would you like to be on the team?” 

Neil’s breath caught in his throat. To be on the team. To be a Fox. To have a reason to stay in one place. He was so sick of running. He hadn’t stopped since his mom died in California. Could he finally rest. He envied his mom for that. She could rest. 

Palmetto High School wasn’t the best in the country, far from it. They took on the schools ‘problem kids’ and gave them purpose. Hockey was, after all, a full time commitment. It kept the students too busy to cause trouble, but gave them just enough time to do their school work. 

Kevin Day had come from Edgar Allen. A prestigious school not far from here. He faced a hand injury in the off season. He was slowly climbing up to the top again, but this time at Palmetto. Not Edgar Allen where he would have lived in Riko’s shadow. 

“On the team,” Neil repeated. 

Kevin nodded. 

Neil looked down at his skates. His mom would call him foolish, a dreamer when he couldn’t afford to be. But he loved hockey. He really did. It was in his blood to love the sport. He was raised on it. 

He was raised on the violence, the ice, the deafening sound of a puck hitting the boards. That was not something one easily forgot. No, that sticks with you. 

Now he had a chance to play. 

“At least practice with Andrew and I?” 

Neil looked between the boys. He hesitated but nodded. 

He could hear his mom yelling, pleading no in her grave. What did it matter? There was jersey with the name Wesninski and the number four was buried somewhere in California with his mother's bones. Buried. So far under the surface, no one would find it. Nathaniel was buried there, too. Kevin didn’t recognize him. A single practice couldn’t hurt. 

(That’s the lie he told himself, anyway.)

“There’s some spare gear in the closet in the locker room,” Kevin explained.

He turned his attention to Andrew. 

Neil caught Andrew’s eyes as he skated across the ice. Andrew’s eyes were cold, unyielding. Neil couldn’t read them. The blonde let the puck fly right into the net much to Kevin’s dismay, but he didn’t dare take his eyes off Neil.

Neil forced himself to look away from those green eyes. He could feel Andrew watching him all the way into the locker room. 

He tugged on the gear he found and came out onto the ice where Kevin had set up some cones. He firstly wanted to test Neil’s skating skills. 

“I thought this was a hockey practice.”

“I’m also a professional figure skater. Now go.”

Neil huffed in annoyance, skating between the cones with ease. Just to piss off Kevin he added a little spin before coming to a stop in front of him. He did his best to look bored, but skating gave him such a rush, it was hard to look like he didn’t want to be here. 

Andrew leaned against the goal, sipping on water. He rolled his eyes at Neil’s flare. This, for some reason, pissed off Neil. He looked back to Kevin who was studying him carefully. He held Kevin’s dark and daunting eyes for a moment, maybe a moment too long. Andrew hit his stick against the goal post. 

Kevin’s eyes snapped to the goal keeper and then returned his attention to the cones. He moved them and showed Neil the drill. 

Neil could have done all these in his sleep. 

On the third drill, Neil realized he’d done these before. When he was seven, almost eight, playing at Edgar Allen with Kevin and Riko. He tripped, almost vomited right there on the ice. He caught himself on his hands and knees, catching his breath. 

“These are Raven drills,” Neil said, raising his head to look up at Kevin. 

Kevin nodded grimly. “You’re faster than Riko, but your technical skills are weak. You’ll need extra practices. Andrew and I come on our off days for an hour. You’ll join us. You’ll have to work twice as hard and--”

“Wait. I’m on the team?” 

Kevin moved forward, holding out a hand to Neil. 

Neil took it, letting the taller man haul him to his feet. 

“Do you want to be on the team?” 

“Yes.” 

God, yes. More than anything. He just wanted to play. He just wanted to stop running. 

“Tomorrow morning. Nine A.M. at the dinner down the street. The team has breakfast there on Saturday before noon practice,” Kevin explained. “Be there.” 

“Why?” Neil asked and Kevin titled his head. “Why do you all go for breakfast?”

“Coach thinks we need team bonding,” Andrew said, skating over. He didn’t look at Neil. He grabbed Kevin’s sleeve. “Come on. I don’t like leaving Nicky with the car for so long. Let’s go.”

Neil watched them go. He looked back at the net. He gripped his stick tight. He didn’t let himself cry, instead he swung the stick hard and watched the puck fly into the net. 

Hockey would most likely kill him. Being near Kevin set him on edge. 

But, god damn, it was worth it.


	2. Teammates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meet the Foxes & a lil Kandreil. Also! Neil’s first practice !

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> howdy! 
> 
> apparently i’m better at writing kevin and neil chemistry than i am kevin and andrew so that’s...interesting.   
> anyway enjoy. lmk if i need to add any trigger warnings & thank you for the positive feedback on the last chapter!! <333

Neil Josten walked into the small dinner a few minutes late. Kevin spotted him immediately, of course he did. He fought his instinct to run and hide. Kevin made it hard not to run. 

He sat down next to the forward, looking at his new teammates. He did a double take at the girls. 

There was usually a girls and guys team. He opened his mouth to say something, when one of them leaned forward. 

“Yes?” she inquired. A challenge. 

He shook his head. If they could play, that’s all that mattered. 

He looked over at Andrew as he set a menu in front of him. Kevin’s arm was slung across the blonde's shoulder. Neil stared a bit too long, before looking down at the menu. 

“Don’t be rude,” Andrew said. “Introduce yourself.”

“I’m Neil,” he said quietly, fidgeting under watchful eyes. 

Everyone went around and introduced themselves. 

There was Aaron, Andrew’s double. Twins. A defense. Nicky, Andrew and Aaron’s cousin. Defense. Renee, a small girl with platinum blonde hair. The ends were dyed bright neon colors. A goalie. Seth, a recovering addict and asshole (according to his girlfriend). A forward. Allison, the rich girl that should have been at private school and Seth’s girlfriend. Defense. Dan Wilds, team captain (“I thought Kevin was—“ “Oh god, no!” Dan laughed.) Defense. And her boyfriend Matt. He was the tallest at the table and Neil was scared to stand next to him. Another Forward.

They were all nice, pardon Aaron and Seth. Their attitudes didn’t particularly phase Neil. 

He ordered waffles and handed over the menu. 

“So, Kevin says you’re fast,” Matt grinned. 

Neil shrugged. “Guess so.”

“Guess so? He said you could outskate Riko,” Nicky said excitedly. “And, might I add, you are just adorable! I mean—”

“No, you may not,” Andrew said with a glare. 

Nicky sat back, keeping his mouth shut. He didn’t challenge Andrew.

Neil glanced past Kevin at the short blonde who was leaning against the table. His eyes were fixed on his phone. Kevin was leaning against him, absentmindedly watching him. He couldn’t bring himself to stop staring. He forced himself to look away when Nicky started talking again. 

“Well, are you faster than Riko,” Nicky asked.

“Dunno,” Neil said. “Never seen him skate.”

A collective gasp went through the table. As if this was the worst thing he could have done. He has done far, far worse things than not seeing Riko skate. 

And for the record, he actually had snuck into a game to watch him skate shortly after his mother's death. His will to live hadn’t been strong. 

Secondly, there was blood on his hands and a target on his back. He’s done worse things to survive. 

He thanked the waitress as she set his black coffee in front of him. The others still haven’t spoken. 

Then Seth laughs. 

“He probably doesn’t know how to play hockey,” he said, holding his own coffee close. “Kevin—“

“He will prove that he can play,” Kevin said in a low, defensive voice. 

Allison hit her boyfriend's shoulder gently. “Play nice.”

No one else said anything to Neil as they ate. He was perfectly content with that. 

He let himself wonder if he’d have to face Riko on the ice. If Riko would know him. Recognize him despite the contacts and box dyed hair. 

He wondered how long he had left before he was caught. How long until someone started asking who Neil Josten was? Where did he come from? How is he so fast? 

He chased down his plain waffles with lukewarm coffee. He paid for his and started toward the door. 

“Hey, did you drive here?” Kevin asked, appearing behind him in the doorway. Andrew was behind him, twirling a set of keys on his fingers. 

“I walked.”

“We’ll drive you to the rink,” Andrew said. 

“Oh. Sure.”

He wanted to say no. Didn’t want to be confined in a space with no escape. Sure, he knew how to jump out of a car if necessary, but he had a feeling Kevin would come back for him. Especially because it was right before practice.

Neil watched Andrew climb in the driver's seat of a fancy car. It looked expensive. How could he afford that while still in high school? Neil climbed in the back seat, Nicky and Aaron climbing in next to him. 

The others piled into Matt’s truck next to them. Matt eyed Neil in the backseat like he was in the back of a cop car. The taller man hesitated, but climbed into his truck and started the engine. 

Neil tried to calm his nerves as they drove to the rink. He wondered if Andrew obeyed even one traffic law. They arrived five minutes before Matt. 

“We’ll get you fitted for gear, until then you can use what you used last night,” Kevin said, grabbing his stuff from the trunk of Andrew’s car. 

Neil nodded, following the others into the locker room. He went to the closet to grab his gear, but was stopped by Kevin. 

“That stuff was a little big last night so I can’t go off those measurements. Do you mind…?” he held up a measuring tape. 

Neil shrugged. 

“Just tell me if I make you uncomfortable at all.”

“Sure.” 

Kevin measured him in silence, putting the measurements into his phone. He didn’t make eye contact with Neil, looked everywhere else actually. 

“Can I ask…” Neil started. “Why hockey?” 

_Why are you so obsessed that you come extra hours, that you hand selected me for your team? _Neil thought.__

__“Well, why not hockey?” Kevin countered, measuring the length of his arm. Their fingers brushed against each other and chills rushed down Neil’s spine._ _

__“Why not Exy or Basketball,” Neil offered, looking up at him._ _

__Kevin finally met his eyes. Neil felt like he couldn’t catch his breath._ _

__“Exy sucks, it’s just Lacrosse on crack. Basketball is boring as fuck. Hockey is...I don’t know. It’s enough,” he explained, lowering his eyes to the measuring tape now. “I was raised on it. It’s been my whole life. I can’t imagine doing anything else.”_ _

__Neil didn’t look away. Kevin was...He thinks the proper word was beautiful. Kevin was beautiful. Neil likes the way he looked at everything with such intensity like he wanted to see everything, take it all in. He liked his dark hair that fell forward into his eyes._ _

__He stopped there, looking at the motivational poster behind Kevin._ _

__Kevin asked for his skate size as well as measurements for a varsity jacket._ _

__“Okay, that should be good. You can get dressed,” he said. “You’re locker ten.”_ _

__Neil hurried to get dressed, eager to get on the ice. He stopped right before the ice, watching his teammates warming up. He caught Andrew’s eyes across the ice where he stood in goal. He stood still, letting pucks fly past him._ _

__“Minyard!” a voice roared next to him._ _

__Neil jumped, looking over at the middle aged man shouting from the home bench._ _

__“Pretend you want to be here, please! Kevin do something!” the man shouted to them._ _

__The man looked over at him, holding out his hand. “You must be Neil Josten. Kevin’s pick. I’m Coach Wymack.”_ _

__Neil took a step back, away from his hand. “Um, yeah. I’ll get going.”_ _

__He stepped onto the ice. Relief coursed through him as the solid ground faded to ice under him. The man terrified him and it wasn’t anything personal--Neil just inherently distrusted older men. He closed his eyes for half a second._ _

__It was half a second too long._ _

__Neil twisted when the body hit him. The body fell under him, sticks clattering. Neil’s hands reached up, pinning them down._ _

__“You ought to keep your eyes open,” Seth growled up at him._ _

__“Get up,” a voice growled next to them._ _

__Neil could see goalie armour out of the corner of his eye. He knew it was Andrew instantly. He climbed up off Seth, watching as Andrew hauled him to his feet and shoved him back._ _

__“Leave him alone,” Andrew said in a low voice._ _

__Neil watched the teammates who kept their distance from Andrew. Even Seth moved back._ _

__“The fuck was that for?” Andrew asked, gesturing to Neil with his stick._ _

__Neil looked for Kevin, but he was just watching with mild concern. Even their Coach just watched in anticipation._ _

__“He thinks he can just come out here and be a part of the team? Kevin thinks he’s so great he can just pick a new player? That’s not cool,” Seth growled. “We all had to try out the hard way and this guy—“_ _

__“You don’t trust Kevin?”_ _

__“No,” Seth said, eyes flicking to Kevin across the ice. The air felt cooler suddenly. If that was even possible. “He’s a Raven and a—.”_ _

__Kevin stood up straighter._ _

__“Seth—“ Nicky started as Andrew moved forward._ _

__Seth never finished his sentence. His voice cracked as he readied himself for a fight. Andrew looked like he was out for blood._ _

__Neil slid between the two boys, putting his back to Seth. He held up a hand to Andrew, but didn’t touch him. He held his gaze, green eyes meeting fake brown ones._ _

__“Don’t give him what he wants. I’ll prove him wrong,” Neil said calmly._ _

__Andrew was torn between glaring at Seth and looking at Neil. He turned and moved back to goal. Kevin skated over to him, keeping his distance. The two spoke quietly to themselves for a moment until Wymack shouted for them to resume warmups._ _

__Dan ran through warmups with him, not making any unnecessary conversation._ _

__Today, the team was doing a scrimmage. Of course they were. Kevin demanded to be in a team with Neil and Andrew, not particularly caring about the rest._ _

__Renee was in the opposite goal with Matt and Allison as defense, Seth and Dan as forwards. On Kevin’s team, him and Neil were forwards while Aaron and Nicky were on defense. Andrew looks small even under all that armour, Neil thought._ _

__It took a minute for Kevin to stop hogging the puck and be a team player, but once Neil got the puck—there wasn’t anything that could stop him. He made the first goal of the scrimmage. It left Seth fuming and the others impressed._ _

__“Good pick, Kev,” Nicky said when they returned to center ice._ _

__Kevin just yelled at him to get ready._ _

__-_ _

__

__When the scrimmage ended, Kevin and Neil’s team had won._ _

__Neil was covered in sweat, and it felt amazing. He waited in the locker room until everyone cleared out._ _

__He stripped down the armor, put it back and showered quickly. The shower at the motel he stayed at smelled horrible. He planned on using these ones moving forward._ _

__When he stepped out of the locker room, Kevin and Andrew were waiting for him. Kevin held out a hand to shake it. Neil did and again, he felt the breath leave him. It didn’t come back until one of them let go._ _

__Kevin held out his phone, waiting for Neil’s contact._ _

__“So I can send you the schedule,” Kevin explained._ _

__Neil stared for a minute. He put in the number of the burner phone he kept turned off in his bag for emergencies._ _

__“I might get a new number soon,” he explained, thinking that it was time for an upgrade, “but I’ll let you know.”_ _

__Kevin nodded. “We’ll see you Monday.”_ _

__Neil nodded. He left, starting at a light jog to the bus stop._ _

__He sat down on the bus thinking he wouldn’t mind if Kevin texted him about something other than hockey. He swallowed hard against the weird desire that bubbled up in him._ _

__Kevin was with Andrew. It was never going to happen._ _

__Ever._ _


	3. Do You Feel It Too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Team bonding and some Kandreil for you!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: OVERDOSE

Neil tugged his hoodie up over his head, staring down at the tray of food. It looked almost inedible, but he got it for free so he accepted it. He started making his way to the table in the corner that he usually hid at when Matt Boyd spotted him. 

The giant himself waved Neil over, yelling his name across the cafeteria. He was accompanied by some of their other teammates and sadly Seth was one of them. Neil set his tray down between Dan and Renee who had moved to make room for him. 

“I didn’t know you had lunch this period,” Allison said, studying herself in a compact mirror. She snapped it shut, looking over at him. 

“Yeah, I don’t really socialize. Besides, it’s only my second week here,” he shrugged, picking at his sandwich. 

He pulled off the sketchy cheese and set it aside before deciding that that would be good enough. He picked it up and looked around the table to see everyone staring at him.

“Really? Where’d you move from,” Renee asked. “If you don’t mind me asking.”

He did mind, but not answering would be too suspicious. 

“Arizona,” he lied. 

He’d come all the way from California. He’d passed through a small town in Arizona on his way and gathered enough information to fuel his lie. Newport, Arizona was all a part of his story. 

“Oh wow. That’s far,” Renee said. “Do you miss it?” 

“Not the best memories there,” he said. “Happy to be here.” 

Images of a burning car flashed in front of his eyes. His mother's bones wrapped in a faded jersey, the name no longer legible. The sand was in his eyes, he couldn’t see-- 

He shook himself out of the memory. “It’s nicer here.” 

Renee just nodded like she understood. How could she understand, though? How could she possibly fathom what he’d been through. 

“Eat up,” Dan nudged his tray. “You’ll pass out at practice if you don’t fill up. Just ask Nicky.” 

“Coach runs you that hard?” 

“No, but between Kevin and I…” she shrugged, a smirk on her face. 

“Can I ask...how a girl became the captain of the boys hockey team. Actually, how three girls even got on the team,” Neil asked, picking up his sandwich. 

When he was growing up there had always been respective teams for boys and girls. Bullshit about binary expectations of gender aside, he was surprised that a school like Palmetto didn’t have a girls team. Or more players for that matter. 

“Because they’re good, jackass,” Seth said around his burrito. 

Allison, not so subtly, kicked him under the table. He almost dropped the food, which made Neil feel just a bit better. 

“I’m not being rude. It’s a genuine question.” 

He turned his attention to Dan. It was Allison who spoke. 

“Matt and Seth were on the team since they were in Little League. When Dan and I came into the picture we started practicing with them and we were surprisingly good at it, too. We were sad when we found out there was no girls team at Palmetto. The nearest club team was two towns over and were in the middle of nowhere here so that’s far,” Allison said, rolling up her own burrito. “Anyway, we talked to Coach and he said there was nothing against us trying out but he couldn’t guarantee anything. That was sophomore year. We tried out and passed with flying colors. He would have been an idiot to deny us.”

Neil nodded, mildly impressed. 

“Causes some drama when we play other teams. They’re a bit nervous to check a girl,” Dan said with a grin. “Until we check them first.” 

Matt was watching her with a dreamy, proud smile. Anyone could have seen they were incredibly in love. 

“Enough about us though. What the hell was that with Andrew!” Allison gasped, leaning forward. 

“Not even Kevin goes near him when he’s angry,” Matt noted. “You were almost touching him and he didn’t even flinch.”

“Minyard’s probably just playing wingman for Nicky,” Seth grumbled. 

“He’s got a fiancé,” Renee commented. 

“Hasn’t stopped him yet,” Seth grumbled. He muttered a word under his breath that made Neil flinch and the table fall silent. 

Neil glanced at Matt who just shook his head. 

He cleared his throat, gathering his things. He tossed his lunch in a ziploc bag he carried so he didn’t waste anything and turned to leave. 

“Fucking wuss,” Seth snarled. 

Neil continued to ignore him as he left the cafeteria. 

-

Neil opened up the door to the locker room and found the others already there. He swallowed his anxiety as he made his way over to the locker with the number ten on it. 

He turned to go get ready in the stalls when he noticed there was one player missing. He didn’t comment on it. It wasn’t his business and he wasn’t particularly attached to the person in question. He managed to tug on the gear in the stall with little struggle and came back out in the borrowed practice jersey. His jersey and gear would arrive next week.

When he came out onto the ice, he gave his all to the passing drills he and Kevin worked on. Kevin wasn’t the fastest, but he was amazing to watch. He moved in ways that seemed impossible, all to keep the puck away from others. 

Neil wondered if he’d hog the ice during a real game. Or if he’d actually pass it to him. He wanted to score. He wanted the adrenaline rush. So, he made sure to do the drills as best he could. He wanted to make sure Kevin trusted him. 

If he didn’t get the puck at least once in the game, he would quit. 

(He’d never do that.)

He was about to score on Renee when Allison burst into the rink. Her sobs echoed in the empty building. She ran over to Wymack on the bench. 

“It’s Seth--He, he didn’t--I didn’t know and now--” 

She was struggling to breathe properly. Renee made it over to her just in time to hold her hair back as she threw up all over the away bench. Wymack barely got out of the way. 

“Allison?” Renee asked quietly. “What happened?” 

“Seth overdosed. He’s in the hospital,” she said quietly. “He’s alive for now, but I--fuck, my dad took my keys I need a ride. I need to be there when he wakes up. If he--”

She started sobbing in Renee’s arms. 

Wymack glanced at the rest of the team and their varied responses. Andrew was stone faced, studying his brother who looked pale (more so than usual). Nicky had taken off his helmet, looking visibly upset by this. Kevin looked upset, but Neil suspected it was because they’d be down a player for a while. Matt had grabbed Dan’s gloved hand. Dan watched Allison cautiously, but clearly didn’t want to leave her boyfriend's side. 

“I’ll take her,” Matt said, voice hoarse. 

“Matt,” Wymack said cautiously. 

“What? I’m fine, I can take her,” he insisted. 

“You shouldn’t,” Dan said softly, next to him, tugging on his arm. 

Neil had to look away from their intimacy. He wondered why he couldn’t do the same with Kevin and Andrew. Why couldn’t he look away?

“I know,” Matt said, defeated. 

“I’ll take her. We’re done with practice for today,” Wymack said.

Kevin opened his mouth to protest when Andrew skated up next to him and grabbed his sleeve. The two said nothing, but Neil watched as the pair went off to the locker room. He doubted Kevin was going to leave when the others did, he lived and breathed hokey. 

Neil was eventually alone, sitting at center ice. 

The others had left, torn up about Seth for whatever reason. Neil, though he hated himself for it, felt no sympathy for him. Seth was an asshole and he didn’t know him well. Tragedy didn’t seem to bother Neil anymore. Maybe he was numb to it all. 

He looked out at the stands, wondering how loud it would be when they were filled. He hoped it was ear shattering. And with Kevin fucking Day on the team, maybe it would be. 

“Oh,” Andrew’s voice said from the locker room entrance. 

“You didn’t leave?” Kevin asked, appearing behind him. 

Neil shrugged. “I didn’t want to go home.” 

Andrew gave him a funny look. “Why not?” 

“It’s just better here.” 

It’s better here. He’s safer here on school property. Anyone that showed up to hurt him wouldn’t make it five feet on school property armed. He was safer here. 

“Better?” Andrew asked.

“He’s fine, ‘Drew. Don’t interrogate him,” Kevin insisted, skating out to center ice. He held out a hand to Neil to help him up. 

Neil hesitated, and took it. He swore each time they touched, electricity sparked through him. Kevin didn’t let go of his hand right away, even once Neil was steady. And Andrew simply watched. 

Kevin had the audacity to hold eye contact with him just too long to be normal. Neil could see the question in his eyes. _Do you feel it too? _Neil pulled his hand back, wondering why Andrew didn’t tell him to stop, didn’t tell Kevin to stop. Truth is, Andrew did nothing. He watched.__

__Neil looked over at him._ _

__“Why don’t you stop me,” Neil asked Andrew._ _

__Andrew tilted his head. “Stop you?”_ _

__“You know what I mean.”_ _

__“You’re interesting, Neil Josten,” Andrew said, as if that answered anything at all. He looked over at Kevin, “Smoke break. I’ll be outside.”  
Kevin and Neil watched him go. Then, they held each other's eyes. Neil was the one to break the eye contact. _ _

__He went to go and change, thinking he liked the way Andrew said his name with a slight southern accent. He liked it a lot._ _


	4. Ultraviolet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I don't know if I can survive it  
> You're ultraviolet  
> On my skin  
> But let the burn begin"  
> {Au/Ra}
> 
> -
> 
> A very Kandreil Chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear to GOD there will actually be hockey in the next chapter lmaooo
> 
> tw: a lil nsfw at the end but not really
> 
> enjoy !!! <3

During Neils free period, he walks into the library. He has a spot in the deepest corners where he likes to nap. Some nights, even with the door locked and a chair shoved under the knob, he can’t sleep. So, he sneaks in naps during study halls and lunch.

When he pulls up to his nap spot near a row of windows, he's surprised to see Andrew with his hand out the window, a cigarette in hand and a bored expression on his face. He takes a drag just as Neil approaches. 

“Andrew,” Neil says quietly, stopping a few paces back.

Andrew looked over his shoulder, flicked his cigarette out the window and closed the window. The space around them warmed instantly and Neil shivered. 

“Can I help you?” Andrew asked, tucking his hands into his pockets. 

“I nap here,” Neil pointed behind Andrew. 

“Why?”

“Because it’s my free period and--”

“Have you ever heard of coffee,” Andrew inquired. “It’s great.”

Neil just stared, open mouthed. He was trying hard to stay in the moment, not think about the smell of smoke. Not about the last time he smelled smoke, he sat on a beach, watching a car and a body go up in flames. He met Andrew’s eyes, snapping full to the present moment.

“It doesn’t help when I can’t sleep all night,” Neils said. “If I stay awake too long, I’ll fall asleep at the wrong time.”

He was so tired, the words slid out of him with ease. He didn’t even realize what he’d said until Andrew’s face changed from emotionless to concern. He stepped forward, not invading his space, but close enough that only Neil would hear him. 

“Are you safe at home,” he asked. “If you aren’t I know a cop, he can--”

“I’m never safe,” he admitted, tears forcing their way up.

What was happening? Why couldn’t he stop himself from word vomiting? He needed to shut up before Andrew learned the truth. Andrew would send him away to protect Kevin. He didn’t want to leave. Not yet. 

Not until he got to play. He needed to play first. 

“Never--Neil. Why aren’t you safe?” 

Neil was stunned by the genuine concern. 

“My--” he stopped himself, shaking his head. 

“Is it your parents?” 

“They’re dead.”

“Okay then who--Neil I can’t keep you safe if you don’t tell me,” Andrew said quietly. 

He stared at him with so much intensity. Neil’s mouth felt dry. 

“Why would you want to keep me safe?” he asked quietly. Why did he care? 

“Beause you matter to Kevin. That’s reason enough.”

“I matter to--to Kevin.”

What would Kevin say when he learned the truth? Neil would never skate again. Kevin would make sure of that. Would Kevin tell the whole world about the Butcher's son? He swallowed the whimper in the back of his throat. What was that? 

He tucked his hands into his pockets, mimicking Andrew now. In the back of his mind, he recalled that humans unconsciously mimicked the mannerisms of people we liked. He ignored that. 

“Who, Neil?” Andrew asked, voice steady, eyes unyielding. 

Neil looked away. 

“I’ve been on my own since my mom passed. My dad...I can’t say. People are after me because he was a bad person,” he replied. “I can’t sleep because I’m scared.”

Andrew waited for the taller man to meet his eyes. “I will keep you safe.”

“They’ll kill you.” 

“Let them try,” Andrew said, taking a small step closer. 

He was slow about it, giving Neil time to stop him. Neil was backed against the bookshelves a moment later. 

“Neil--” Andrew started. 

“Mr. Minyard!” a voice hissed down the aisle. It was the librarian. “This is a library. Either do your homework or leave.” 

Andrew rolled his eyes, stepped back from Neil.

“I’ll see you later,” Andrew said to Neil, walking off. 

Neil just sat in shock. What the hell was that? What the hell. 

-

“I’ve thought about it,” Andrew told Kevin, leaning against the lockers next to his boyfriend. 

Kevin paused to look down at him. His arms were crossed, hoodie sleeves pulled over his hands. He looked adorable, Kevin thought. He allowed himself a moment to take in the green eyes he loved so much. 

He turned back to his locker. “It?” Kevin frowned, stuffing the proper folders into his bag. 

“Neil,” Andrew said. 

Kevin raised an eyebrow. The day before he’d raised the question: Neil? Can I have him too? Kevin couldn’t explain it, the connection to the boy. He knew Andrew saw it too. 

“And?” he asked, trying to stay calm. 

“You can have him too. One condition,” Andrew said as they started walking to class. 

Kevin nodded, a bit too eagerly. “Anything.”

“We share,” Andrew said. “If he wants that.”

Kevin nearly tripped. Would have fallen on his face if Andrew didn’t grab his arm and stabilize him. He was always more graceful on ice.

“Deal.” 

-

Neil sat down at lunch. Allison and Seth have been absent most of the week. Seth was in rehab and Allison was too distracted to focus long enough. She kept visiting him, making sure he was okay.

He was content to eat at the table without them there.

“Can I ask you guys something? You know Andrew and Kevin better than me,” Neil said. “Do they...I don’t know, do they flirt with others?”

“Flirt with each other?” Dan frowned.

“Well, no. Like other people,” he asked anxiously. 

“Not really...why?” Renee asked. 

Neil cleared his throat hating every minute of this. 

“Did they flirt with you?” Matt asked, getting excited. 

Neil nodded slowly, blushing dark. He went on to explain his little moment with Kevin and then earlier in the library.

Matt clapped his hands together in excitement. 

“Oh this is so exciting!” Matt said, grabbing Dan’s arm. “They like him! Oh my god!”

“Either that or they want a three-way,” Dan said calmly. “They’re pretty private. I doubt they’d want him in their little bubble.”

“Andrew wouldn’t—“ Renee stopped herself. “We shouldn’t talk about them like that behind their backs.”

“Like what—“

“Sexually.”

Matt didn’t respond to her, but changed the subject back to Neil. “Do you like them?” 

Neil lowered his eyes to the table. “I can't look away from them. I think I might? I don’t know.”

Matt nodded with a big grin. 

-

Neil’s uniform came in today. 

Thank god it did—they had a game on Friday. 

Neil stared at the text from Kevin. He wanted Neil at practice a bit early so they could make sure the uniform fit. Neil wondered if Kevin would make him try it on right in front of him. 

He wasn’t ready to show off his scars to the world. He opened up the locker room door. Kevin and Andrew sat on a bench, talking quietly.

Andrew kissed his temple. “Just talk to him.”

Kevin nodded, watching him go. His eyes fell on Neil once Andrew was gone. 

“Talk to me?” Neil asked quietly. 

Kevin nodded. 

“Is my uniform not here?”

“No it is...it’s just. Andrew told me about earlier,” Kevin said. 

“He initiated that. Not me.”

“I know.”

“Okay. So...what then?”

“I had asked him if he’d be open to me...also being with you. He wants that too.” 

Neil stared at him dumbfounded. 

“To be with me?” 

Kevin nodded. “You can say no, obviously.”

Neil sat down on the other end of the bench. He looked down at his hands. 

“You don’t know me.”

Neil looked up at Kevin and a jolt went through him. He was so pretty. 

“Come over after hockey. We’ll get to know you,” Kevin offered. 

Neil studied him. 

“And if it doesn’t go well, we’ll forget I asked,” he said. Then he got up, holding out the jersey. “Go try it on.”

Neil nodded. “I can do that.”

A smile appeared on Kevin’s lips. Neil liked it when he smiled. 

Neil came out of the bathroom stall with his jersey on top of the armor. It fit much better than the spare gear he’d used. 

Andrew sat with Kevin again, when he returned. His eyes caught Neil’s for a split second, exciting Neil a bit too much. 

Practice went by in a blur, Neil wasn’t sure he was really paying attention. His mind kept wandering to Kevin and Andrew. 

During the last few minutes, him and Kevin showed off a passing technique they’d worked on in private. None of their teammates could get the puck from them, the pair of them moved far too fast. 

Neil stood by Renee’s goal as she fished out the puck Kevin had put in there. He caught his breath for a minute. Kevin was already grabbing his water from the bench. Matt came over, forcing a water bottle into Neil's hand. He tugged off his helmet and drank some of him. 

“You good?” Matt asked. “You weren’t skating as fast as normal today.”

“Yeah up until that last bit with Kevin,” Renee said with a smirk.

“Kevin and Andrew said they both want to be with me,” he said honestly. “I’m kind of distracted with that knowledge.”

“Oh shit,” Matt said. 

“I didn’t think that was a thing people could do,” he admitted. 

“Or that they were polyamorous,” Matt hummed, glancing over at Andrew and Kevin. 

“They aren’t,” Renee said. “I think Neil’s an exception.” 

Matt shrugged, nudging Neil to finish the water. Neil rolled his eyes and finished it off, handing him the empty bottle. 

Kevin was waving him over. 

“I’ll talk to you guys later.”

And he was off, stopping next to Kevin and Andrew. 

“Tell him we are not doing more practice. I want to go get ice cream,” Andrew said, glaring at his boyfriend. 

“I don’t control him,” Neil shrugged. “But ice cream sounds nice.”

“Two versus one, Kevin!” 

Kevin rolled his eyes. “That’s an extra hour tomorrow!”

Andrew shrugged and started off to the locker room. 

Neil took his time in the shower and found the two boys waiting for him on the bench. Neil grabbed his jacket and put away his gear. 

He sat in the backseat of the car, listening to Kevin and Andrew bicker quietly about the radio station. He was content, just sitting there and listening. 

Andrew pulled up to the nearest grocery story and they all climbed out. Neil pushed the cart, watching as the shorter boy filled up the cart with a few types of ice cream (making sure Neil liked one of them), a variety of toppings and brought them over to self checkout. 

“You’re staring, Neil,” Andrew said, swiping gummy worms across the scanner. 

And he was. Without realizing. 

Staring at the green eyes, and long pale eyelashes. Chapped pink lips. 

“I’m sorry,” he said because he was.

Andrew shrugged. “Kevin does it all the time, too.”

“It’s hard not to,” Neil said without thinking.

Why wasn’t he thinking? 

Andrew glanced over at him for just a second. He gave the taller boy a once over before paying. 

“Where is Kevin,” he asked, suddenly aware he was gone. 

“Out in the car. All the sweets make him sick,” Andrew said, taking the cart from Neil. 

They loaded the groceries into the back of the car and Neil climbed in again to find Kevin watching hockey on his phone. 

“Seriously,” he asked, leaning forward. “Do you do anything else?”

“Not really,” Kevin answered with a shrug. 

Andrew started up the car and took them to his place. He lived with his brother, his adoptive mom, Bee, and occasionally his cousin crashed there too. He unlocked the front door, opening it up. 

“Don’t let the cats out,” he said over his shoulder. 

Kevin was quick to scoop up an orange cat, letting Neil inside. Neil followed Andrew into the kitchen. 

“Andrew is that you?” a woman’s voice called out. 

“Yeah, Kev’s here too. And Neil,” he called out, grabbing bowls from the cabinets. 

Neil watched as a middle aged woman came in from a side room. “Neil! I've heard a lot about you,” she said. “I’m Bee. It’s nice to meet you.” 

She held out her hand and Neil shook it. He glanced at Andrew. What had he told Bee?

“Make yourself at home.” 

“We’re gonna watch a movie in the basement,” Andrew said. 

“Aaron’s down there with Katelyn,” Bee said, giving her son a kiss on the cheek. 

He moved around the table away from her. “Tell them to move.”

“You can watch in the living room. I’ll go upstairs,” she assured him.

Just then Kevin came into the kitchen, holding a different cat. He had a big smile on his face. 

“Hi Bee,” he said. 

Neil had never seen him so happy. It was a bit unsettling. 

“Hi Kevin. Make sure Andrew cleans up when he’s done,” she said, slipping past him to the staircase. 

Kevin set the cat down and laughed. “Yeah, ‘Drew. You’ve got to clean up after yourself.” 

Andrew shook his head, handing Kevin his bowl of sugar free vanilla ice cream. “Go put a movie on. And if it’s about hockey, you’re dead to me.”

Kevin laughed and walked off to the living room. 

Andrew let Neil put on his own toppings. Neil wasn’t too big on sweets but he added chocolate chips and whipped cream anyway. He joined Kevin in the living room. He sat on the far end of the couch, away from him. 

Kevin looked over at him. “Will you sit with me? Andrew doesn’t like to cuddle up when we watch movies. I mean, it’s…only if you want to.”

Neil wasn’t sure what made him agree to it. Was it the fact that he was touch starved, was it the look in Kevin’s eyes, or just Kevin himself? It didn’t matter, really. 

Andrew took up the spot where Neil had been and they started the movie. An hour in, Neil wasn’t paying attention anymore.

His mind was so hazy, maybe it was a shock, that he couldn’t tell anyone how he wound up in Kevin Day’s lap, making out with him. He certainly couldn’t tell anyone when Andrew joined the pair, pulling Neil into a kiss after a whispered “Yes or no, Neil?” 

Neil’s hand was moving up Kevin’s shirt, feeling lines of muscles while Andrew sucked on a little spot on his collar bone. He shivered. 

Kevin reached for Neil’s shirt and he jerked back. Both Kevin and Andrew pulled back. 

“Sorry,” Neil said, trying to catch his breath. 

“What happened,” Kevin asked. 

“I already told Andrew this...my dad was a bad guy. He gave me...a lot of scars and I’m running from some people he used to know so I don’t let anyone see them,” he said, giving the vaguest explanation of the Butcher he could. He prayed Kevin didn’t think too hard on it. 

“Okay. That’s fine,” Andrew said. “If you’re not comfortable, then the shirt stays on.”

Neil shook his head. “I want you to see. Just...not yet.”

“Whenever you’re ready,” Kevin said, kissing the tip of his nose. 

“That implies you want to keep hanging out with us,” Andrew said, studying Neil.

“This is hanging out?” Neil laughed softly. Andrew gave him a pointed look. “If you’ll have me. Then, yeah.”

Kevin and Andrew glanced at each other, a big grin on Kevin’s face. 

“Yeah,” the tallest of them said. “Of course, we will.”


	5. X Games

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the calm before the storm featuring riko !!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw/ some violence, mentions of death
> 
> ahhhhhh
> 
> a seth apologist! 
> 
> not really, lowkey hate that guy but i hate that he was just a plot device that died without being given a chance to prove himself either way sooo 
> 
> enjoy :)

Neil was slammed against the boards, the sound echoing in his head. He knew who it was. The same aggressive forward who’d been after him the whole game. 

Number One. Riko. 

He struggled to get his arms working, his right arm numb. He tried to get the puck to Kevin but Riko got it, turning the game around. 

Andrew spent his time in goal glaring at Riko across the ice and then at Kevin whenever Edgar Allen scored. If anything, Neil thought the shorter male looked amused by the tension between Riko and Kevin. 

He was saving his energy for if Riko decided to attack his boyfriend, Neil realized toward the end of the first period. Realized it in the way he tensed when the two players skate near each other.

Neil wondered if he’d kill Riko right here with all these witnesses.

His thoughts were disrupted by Riko skating right into him again. Why wasn’t Riko going after Kevin, his rival. He was only targeting Neil. 

Neil barely stayed on his feet, getting away from Riko just to get the puck from Kevin. They moved together, through their passing drill. 

This wasn’t a drill though, it was real. Neil passed back to Kevin who immediately returned it. Neil put it in the net, stunning the Edgar Allen goalie. 

The orange clad fans and their teammates roared their approval. 

This is what Neil loves. The rush of the game. 

-

Between periods, Kevin was pacing the locker room in fury. He demanded to know why Andrew wouldn’t just block the damn shots. Riko’s tell was obvious, the pucks direction never a secret. No matter how fast, it was an easy block.

Andrew just stared lazily up at his boyfriend, watching him pace about in his rage. He glanced across the room at Neil with the faintest smirk. 

About three weeks ago, Neil had become the third member in their relationship. They hadn’t made a big deal of telling the team, and didn't think it was necessary. Regardless, Andrew, Kevin and Neil were the others' favorite subject to discuss. They spent a lot of time together and there was already a couple bets in place. 

Aaron refused to comment and Nicky was intentionally kept out of the loop.

It wasn’t a big deal anyway, according to Kevin. 

But Neil still felt uncomfortable as he stood up and blocked Kevin’s path. The forward stumbled back. The whole team watched with deep curiosity. 

What was Neil going to do?

“Kev,” Neil said in a low voice. Only for him and Kevin to hear. “We only have so long here. Do we really want to waste it yelling at Andrew. Or should we maybe come up with a plan?” 

“And maybe actually let the captain speak,” Dan said across the room. 

“Or the coach?” Wymack asked. 

Kevin kept his eyes on Neil, visibly relaxing. He sat down on the couch next to Andrew. Neil caught Matt’s eye, a smirk on his friends face. It was a knowing look that Neil forced himself to look away from.

There was two minutes left when Neil’s body decided he’d drunk too much water. He apologized profusely as Wymack just begged him to hurry. He made his way into the locker room, struggling to get the gloves off in a rush. 

In hindsight, he’d wonder what might have happened if he’d never gone back in. If he’d just gone out and played.

Would he have had this for forever?

He had barely gotten himself situated again when he was slammed into the lockers. His heart sunk. He stared up at Riko. He looked toward the exit, wondering if one of his boyfriends or teammates would show up.

“I heard about Palmetto’s new forward,” Riko ground out. “And according to the internet--Neil Josten doesn’t exist. I don’t know who you are, who you think you are but if you know what’s good for you, you’ll quit. I won’t have my future ruined by some nobody from Arizona.” 

He stepped back, glaring down at Neil. “Oh, and stay away from Kevin. I plan on skating with him again someday.”

“You’re scared of me?” Neil laughed, pushing back against him. 

Riko growled. “Stay out of my way.”

Neil pushed him back. Riko stumbled, glaring at him. 

“You will never make it pro.”

“I just want to graduate,” Neil said simply. “You on the other hand—“

“Watch your mouth!” 

“Poor technical skill, slow on the ice, uses fear tactics to win…” Neil counted them off on his finger. 

Riko looked like he wanted to throttle Neil. Instead he schooled his features and studied his opponent. “I’m not sure why Kevin trusts you—“

“He trusts me?”

“He passes to you.”

“Oh, he didn’t pass to you?” 

Riko growled in response. Neil just laughed. He’d been in the face of danger before, Riko wasn’t it. 

Riko slammed him into the locker again. “Stay out of my way. I have some powerful people that could destroy you, Neil Josten. Stay off the ice.” 

Neil watched as Riko left. He heard the buzzer sound out in the rink. The period was starting up.

Neil grabbed his helmet off the bench where he’d left it and ran the best he could in skates through the locker room out to the bench. He almost slammed into Andrew in the hall. 

“How long does it take to go to the bathroom,” Andrew grumbled. 

“Why aren’t you out there?” Neil asked, confused. 

“Kevin refused to play because I wouldn’t lock down the goal so I sat out,” Andrew said. Neil titled his head. “Wymack benched me.”

“Why won’t you just do it. I’ve seen you. You’re fast.”

Andrew shook his head. “I don’t care. It’s a dumb sport.”

“Is not.” 

“Whatever, Renee’s in goal, it’ll be fine.” 

Neil nodded, scratching the back of his head. Andrew promised to keep him age, he couldn’t so that if he didn’t tell him when he was in danger. He struggled to get the words out, “Riko--he--”

“Spit it out.” 

Neil clenched his hands. “He threatened me. Doesn’t want me skating. Or being near Kevin.”

“You’re a threat to him,” Andrew said casually. “Don’t worry about Riko. Just go win, okay? There’s a dinner at the diner in it for you if you do.”

-

Win. 

That’s all Andrew had needed to tell the boy in the number ten jersey. The next two periods were spent with Neil skating as hard and fast as he could manage. It wasn’t enough. 

Neil wasn’t enough.

The players in the orange jersey’s couldn’t beat them no matter how hard they tried though. Edgar Allen was better in every way. They took their defeat with grace, making their way back into the locker room.

“Oh my god!” Matt gasped, a few paces ahead of Neil. 

Neil jumped, startling Andrew who walked beside him. It took Neil a moment to recognize it was excitement in his teammates voice, not fear or anger. He leaned against the wall to ground himself before he managed to look up at the source of Matt’s excitement.

There was Seth sitting on one of the couches with a grin on his face and his jersey over a hoodie. He looked healthier. His cheeks less sunken, no bags under his eyes. He looked happy.

He didn’t look like that last time Neil saw him. 

“You guys did great today,” Seth said in the kindest tone of voice Neil had ever heard from the man. He had a smile on his face as Allison shoved her helmet into Renee’s arms and jumped up to kiss him. 

Neil looked away for a moment. 

Seth happily hugged Matt, Dan and Renee. He stared at the others who kept their distance. The tension was almost unbearable for Neil, and then--Seth held out a hand to Nicky. 

“There’s no excuse for what I’ve done to you, to any of you,” he eyed Kevin, Andrew and Neil, “but maybe we can work past it.”

Andrew didn’t give away anything. He stayed passive by Kevin’s side, waiting for his reaction. Kevin looked more surprised than anything else.

Matt looked between Seth and Andrew, wondering if he’d have to intervene. Neil was wondering the same. 

“What’s with the change in heart, Gordon?” Kevin asked, crossing his arms. 

“Almost dying changes you,” he said with a shrug. He smiled apologetically when Allison made a whimpering noise. He tucked his hand into his pocket. “It’s okay. I’ve been an asshole. You don’t have to forgive me now or ever. Just know I’m so—I’m working on it, yeah?” 

Seth kissed Allison’s cheek and turned to leave. 

“Seth?” Neil called out, startling everyone in the room. “Glad to see you’re doing okay.”

Seth nodded. “See you guys at practice on Monday.” 

-

“‘Glad to see you’re okay?’ He called you--” 

“I know what he called me Andrew,” Neil said calmly. “What he calls you, Kevin and Nicky. That doesn’t mean I want the guy dead.”

“But you go and forgive him?” Andrew asked, getting madder and madder at his lighter. 

Kevin calmly plucked the lighter from his hands and lit his boyfriend's cigarette. Andrew took a long drag, pacing in front of the car. Kevin leaned against the hood of the car next to Neil who sat on top of the car with his legs folded under him. 

Andrew looked at him impatiently, waiting for an answer.

“I never forgave him,” Neil said. “And he never gave an apology, really. Anyway, as someone who has almost died--”

Kevin looked over at him concerned. Neil waved a dismissive hand at him.

“Later. I understand where he’s coming from and I think instead of assuming he hasn’t changed we should encourage him not to be homophobic,” he said with a simple shrug.

“You aren’t going to cure his homophobia,” Andrew said, stamping out the cigarette.

“Can we backtrack to you almost dying,” Kevin asked nervously, grabbing Neil’s hand. 

Neil smiled sadly down at Kevin. He kissed his boyfriend's cheek. “It was a long time ago. I’m okay.”

Kevin, the more affectionate of Neil’s boyfriends, pulled him close. Holding on tight.

“I’m fine, Kev,” he said but Kevin just held on tighter and Neil let him. 

He let himself be cared for. He wondered how much longer he really had before Riko figured it out. He already knew Neil Josten didn’t exist, already was threatened. 

Andrew could only protect him for so long. 

The man in question just watched the pair of them. He’d do anything for them. That included dealing with Seth’s sorry ass. 

He stood on Kevin’s other side now. Not touching, but a calm and steady presence next to him. A weight to lean on. 

Andrew couldn’t protect them both from Riko. Neil suspected the blonde knew that. He knew this could only last so long.

Neil pulled Kevin close, into a kiss. “Nothing bad is going to happen,” he said, not realizing how wrong he was. 

This was the calm before the storm.


	6. The Calm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which neil gets some interesting, life altering test messages

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning: implied sex (nothing graphic), panic attack at the very end 
> 
> um yeah... shits gonna hit the fan next chapter and i’m not sorry :)

Neil set his tray down, yawning as he sits down between Dan and Renee. Neil felt his phone buzz in his pocket. 

He wasn’t much of a texter, but Kevin was. Neil was surprised to find that this message wasn’t from him. It was from an unknown number.

_Unknown: I know. -R. ___

___R _could only have been one person, but Neil wasn’t given much time to think on. Seth disrupted his panic.__ _ _

____“Who’s that? Your boyfriends,” Seth’s teasing voice called out._ _ _ _

____“Seth,” Allison hissed._ _ _ _

____“I’m not being mean about it, I’m genuinely curious,” he argued. “Curious as to how you got Kevin and Andrew’s attention.”_ _ _ _

____“Jealous,” Matt teased Seth._ _ _ _

____“Ha! They wish,” Seth laughed, then turned right back to Neil. “Well?”_ _ _ _

____“I have no idea. I’m still trying to figure it out myself.”_ _ _ _

____Neil smiled, fidgeting with the ends of his sweater shirt that belonged to Kevin. He felt his cheeks warm, it was painfully obvious that the sweatshirt was Kevin’s—Neil was drowning in the blue fabric._ _ _ _

____“They just started flirting with him,” Matt explained. “It was so weird!”_ _ _ _

____“Weird?”_ _ _ _

____“They were really private,” Renee said quietly next to him._ _ _ _

____Seth rolled his eyes. “What’s so great about brown hair and brown eyes? Nothing. He’s a decent skater so I get Kevin’s interest. Andrew’s though…”_ _ _ _

____“You’re being rude, Seth,” Allison said, snapping shut her compact mirror._ _ _ _

____She shoved it into her purse, pulling out her phone. She cast her boyfriend a glare before tapping away on the phone. Her nails made a click, click, click sound, that she managed to make sound angry._ _ _ _

____Neil just sat silently. He’d asked Andrew before why he liked him and had been shut up with a firm kiss on the lips. He knew it was more than physical, Andrew was rarely physical with him. Or with Kevin._ _ _ _

____That was Kevin’s role in the relationship. He was all touchy-feely with Neil, because with Andrew touch was never promised. Kevin said he never minded, but it was nice to be clingy with Neil. The only difference was that Andrew’s touch was twice as exciting for him now._ _ _ _

____Kevin and Andrew’s relationship was built on an emotional bond and trust. Neil’s relationship with them was built on an unexplainable connection._ _ _ _

____Their relationship was a complicated thing to navigate. Neil didn’t mind one bit._ _ _ _

____“Earth to Neil,” Renee said next to him, waving  
her hand in front of his face. _ _ _ _

____He jumped._ _ _ _

____“Huh. Sorry,” he said, grabbing his food._ _ _ _

____“You missed Kein’s call,” Renee said, nudging his phone toward him._ _ _ _

____He frowned, wondering what Kevin was calling him for. He had class now. He panicked for a second, wondering if something was wrong. Neil picked up the phone, watching Seth and Allison bicker quietly. Kevin answered on the second ring._ _ _ _

____“Andrew and I are skipping, come with us,” Kevin said without bothering to say hi. “Andrew said there’s ice cream in it for you.”_ _ _ _

____“I don’t even like ice cream,” he said softly into the phone, gathering up his things. He waved goodbye to his teammates._ _ _ _

____“We’ll get you something else then,” Kevin promised. “Jesus, hurry up. Andrew’s getting impatient.”_ _ _ _

____“Impa--Oh. Oh, yeah. On my way,” he said, hanging up and hurrying down the hall._ _ _ _

____He climbed into the back seat of Andrew’s car, grinning at the sight of his boyfriends kissing across the center console. Kevin turned over his shoulder, holding out his arms to pull him in for a kiss._ _ _ _

____Neil leaned forward, kissing him sweetly. Kevin was a little rougher than he anticipated, but it pulled a strangled sound of pleasure out of Neil. Kevin just grinned._ _ _ _

____“Hi,” he said, pulling back._ _ _ _

____Kevin smiled. “Hey there.”_ _ _ _

____Andrew tapped Neil’s arm lightly._ _ _ _

____“I get a kiss hello from both of you?” he said with a grin._ _ _ _

____“Yes or no, Neil?” Andrew asked._ _ _ _

____“Yes, please!” Neil said eagerly._ _ _ _

____He leaned over to kiss him. Andrew’s lips were softer than Neil expected, no matter how many times he kissed him. He always expected something rougher._ _ _ _

____He pulled back, sitting in his seat perfectly satisfied. He watched Kevin and Andrew hold hands the whole ride home._ _ _ _

____Today was a good day for Andrew, Neil realized._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____So good that Neil forgot about the text on his phone._ _ _ _

____-_ _ _ _

____An hour later, Neil was curled into Kevin’s arms, feeling hot and sticky all over. Andrew had already left them both to take a shower._ _ _ _

____He felt bad, but Kevin said it was normal. Andrew had been through a lot. He wasn’t into all the mushy, gushy cuddling stuff like Kevin was. Kevin accepted that a long time ago, but Neil felt...empty without Andrew there._ _ _ _

____He would never make him feel bad about wanting to be alone, but Neil only felt complete with both of them. They completed each other._ _ _ _

____He looked up at Kevin, a small smile on his lips. “Hey,” he said softly._ _ _ _

____“Hi, Neil,” he said, kissing the top of his head. “You good?”_ _ _ _

____Neil nodded. “A little sore,” he admitted, shifting in his arms. “Tired, but happy.”_ _ _ _

____“Yeah, you might be a little sore at practice tomorrow, sorry,” Kevin laughed softly, kissing him sweetly._ _ _ _

____Neil wrapped his arms around his boyfriend's neck as they kissed. He pulled him closer. He loved being so close to both of them. Especially the human radiator that was Kevin Day._ _ _ _

____“I can’t believe you risked me not skating my best right before our game against Edgar Allen,” he hummed. “When the scouts will be there. To decide between you and Riko.”_ _ _ _

____Kevin’s smile vanished._ _ _ _

____Neil needed to learn to shut up sometimes. He cringed, knowing he shouldn’t have said that. Knowing that there was a lot riding on the game this weekend. It would make or break Kevin’s career. He’d either get picked for a college team or the NHL._ _ _ _

____He’d been stressed about it all week and Neil felt like an asshole for bringing it up._ _ _ _

____“I guess I know how to kill the mood, huh,” Neil said with a sad laugh._ _ _ _

____Kevin shook his head. “It’ll be fine. We’ve been working on that one move, Seth has been cooperative. We’ll be fine.”_ _ _ _

____“Oh! Someone’s confident!” Neil laughed, kissing him sweetly._ _ _ _

____Kevin grinned._ _ _ _

____“We’ll win.”_ _ _ _

____Neil opened his mouth to say something when Andrew poked his head back into Kevin’s room._ _ _ _

____“Are you guys gonna come clean up or not? Kevin only has so much hot water,” he said, hair dropping onto the dark carpet._ _ _ _

____“You’ve already used it all. If the water bill is high—“_ _ _ _

____“Meh. Eat the rich.”_ _ _ _

____“Andrew, I’m not rich!”_ _ _ _

____Andrew just disappeared into the bathroom again. Kevin got up, quickly following Andrew into the shower._ _ _ _

____He heard their quiet bickering about Kevin’s wealth. Neil started getting up, eager to join in on the conversation when his phone buzzed._ _ _ _

____He picked it up. He’d forgotten about the text earlier._ _ _ _

____He sat back down fast, vision going white for a minute. Suddenly, his boyfriends playful banter felt light years away. It echoed funny as his ears rang._ _ _ _

____He nearly threw up all over Kevin’s carpet. He fell to the ground when he tried to go to the bathroom. He fought the urge to throw up, pass out, all of it._ _ _ _

____There was only one word, a name, messaged to him. But he knew it was all over._ _ _ _

____He was left with a fast beating heart and lungs but that couldn’t be filled enough. He couldn’t fucking breathe._ _ _ _

____His whole world crumbled. He felt Neil Josten die. He didn’t know how Riko did it, how he figured him out._ _ _ _

____He didn’t want to know._ _ _ _

____He scrambled to delete the message so Kevin and Andrew wouldn’t find it. He didn’t know what Riko planned to do. He wanted to live in oblivion as long as fucking possible._ _ _ _

____Soon, he’d have to leave the ice. Leave the sport he loved. He’d fucked up his chances to play, to be real and to be happy._ _ _ _

____He wanted to scream._ _ _ _

____Hockey was everything._ _ _ _

____Perhaps, it was meant to be a dream. Something that could never be tangible. Something he could never truly have._ _ _ _

____So was Neil Josten and his boyfriends._ _ _ _

____They came out a moment later to find Neil writhing on the ground. He’d pressed his palms hard to his eyes, nails digging into his skin._ _ _ _

____His biggest fears came true._ _ _ _

____“Neil,” Andrew said gently._ _ _ _

____His voice seemed so far away._ _ _ _

____“Neil, hey,” Andrew said again. “Kevin wants to hold your hands. Can you do that?”_ _ _ _

____Neil’s interest peaked. He wanted to hold Kevin close and hide away with him forever. He didn’t want to lose him._ _ _ _

____He considered this might be one of the last times he gets to be with Kevin like that._ _ _ _

____He lowered one hand into Kevin’s, eyes still squeezed shut. He put the other one in his._ _ _ _

____“Neil, I need you to take a deep breath in. And—Yeah, like that. And then out. Good,” Andrew said, trying to calm him down still. “Again.”_ _ _ _

____A moment later, Neil opened his eyes. He looked up at Andrew. He hated the worry he saw there._ _ _ _

____“I’m sorry,” Neil finally managed to say. “I don’t want to lose this.”_ _ _ _

____Kevin squeezed his hand._ _ _ _

____Andrew just frowned. “Neil, you won’t lose us. Not ever.”_ _ _ _

____Neil wanted to cry. He was about to lose them both forever._ _ _ _

____The text had read: _Nathaniel _.___ _ _ _


	7. The Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit hits the fan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> um i’m sorry in advance

All it takes is one phone call and a few words to ruin someone's life. 

-

Kevin Day sat on the hood of Andrew’s car waiting for his boyfriends when his phone rings. He stared down at the number, he recognized it from a contact he deleted a long time ago. 

“Riko,” he hissed into the phone.

He could see Neil in the distance, making his way out to him. Neil had a big smile on his face as he waved. He moves a little bit faster now. 

Kevin remembers these moments. Remembers the calm before the storm.

Everything was too quiet. 

“Neil isn’t who you think he is.”

“Why are you calling me, Riko?” Kevin asked impatiently. 

It was too quiet. 

“His real name is Nathaniel Wesinski. The Butcher’s son,” Riko said right as Neil came to a stop before him.

All at once the hurricane hits full force. Kevin can’t hear a damn thing. 

Kevin’s vision flickered between a past image of a mutilated body, three small children (him, Riko and Nathaniel) screaming out in horror and the brunette standing in front of him. Just because he wasn’t a ginger--how could he not see it? He dropped the phone and Neil’s--no, Nathaniel’s--smile fell. 

“Kev?” 

He looked so concerned, but Kevin felt so angry, he didn’t care how genuine it looked. 

“What the fuck are you doing here,” he said in a horrified whisper. 

“What? Kev, are you feeling okay,” Nathaniel asked, reaching out for him. 

“Nathaniel,” Kevin whispered with tears in his eyes. 

He felt betrayed. Angry. Confused. 

Nathaniel’s hands fell to his side. 

He fought his tears seeing Andrew in the distance. How was he supposed to explain this to him? Would he care? Would he feel hurt too? Would he feel anything at all? 

Nathaniel looked pale and panicked. His eyes scanned the parking lot, looking for an escape. Good. Kevin felt sick. 

This was the center of the hurricane. The eye of the storm. He couldn’t hear anything around them.

He was stuck in the eye of the hurricane and no one could help him. 

The worst had happened. He’d been right: this was all too good to be true. 

It was too good to have both Andrew and Neil. the Universe couldn’t grant him that. 

“Kev,” Nathaniel said, starting to reach out to him a second time. He seemed to think better of it and pulled back. “I’m leaving.” 

“Good.” 

He hated himself. Hated Nathaniel and his father. 

“Bye, Kevin. I love you.” 

He got no answer. 

Kevin closed his eyes. He hated that he was crying. 

“Kev?” Andrew asked as he got closer. “What happened?” 

Kevin could only reach out to him for a hug. He needed to hold onto something. He needed to know that Andrew was real, that he was here. 

He told him everything. 

-

“Nathaniel,” Kevin whispered in horror, tears in his eyes. 

Neil felt himself sink underwater. He was drowning. He couldn’t breathe underwater. 

“Kev,” Neil said, starting to reach out to him. He thought better of it and pulled back. “I’m leaving.” 

“Good.” 

“Bye, Kevin. I love you.” 

He got no answer. 

Kevin closed his eyes and Neil ran. He ran to the only place he could think of. 

The only place he couldn’t drown. 

He strapped on his skates and dumped as many pucks as he could find onto the ice. He wasn’t really aiming for the net, he was just angry. He needed to do something. 

Hockey was everything and he wouldn’t play after today. 

The constant bang, bang, bang, against the boards echoed in his head, calmed him. He collapsed at center ice after what felt like forever. He sobbed, throwing his stick across the rink.

He pulled his knees up, holding onto himself. 

His mom’s voice wouldn’t shut up, telling him to run. Telling him this sport, these boys were not worth staying and being found out. He couldn’t have these things. He did not deserve them. 

He covered his ears, trying to block out the sound.

He wasn’t sure how long he sat there, but when Andrew found him, his ass was freezing. 

“Kevin told me what happened…” he said softly. “I thought I’d find you here.”

Neil looked up. “You aren’t mad?”

“I’m mad that you upset Kevin, but I’m not mad about what he’s mad about,” he said, standing at the home bench. 

“Oh.”

Andrew looked around at all the pucks. “Wymack’s gonna kill you. You’ve made a mess.”

“I’m not staying. I’m leaving.”

“I told you, I could keep you safe,” Andrew argued. 

Neil shook his head. “Not from these people you can’t. I’m sorry.”

“Sorry that you’re leaving me and Kevin? That you’re abandoning your team the day before our most important game?” Andrew asked, making his way onto the ice. 

“Both?” Neil said getting up. 

“Then stay. Just stay, Neil.”

“It’s not that simple!”

Andrew flinched at how loud Neil’s voice was. 

“I’m leaving,” he said, crossing his arms.

Andrew pressed his lips together, looking away. He looked torn between begging Neil to stay and letting him go.

“Thank you,” Neil said, stepping forward. “Yes or no?” 

He wanted to thank him for giving him a reason to stay as long as he did. For giving Neil both himself and Kevin. Andrew looked at him and nodded, mumbling a ‘yes’. 

Neil kissed him deeply before stepping off the ice. He wasn’t Neil anymore. 

The moment he was off the ice, Neil died. Neil could only exist on the ice with the orange paw print in the center. 

Nathaniel wasn’t part of that world. 

He couldn’t be.

-

Neil watched from the top of the stands as Kevin scored the winning goal. As Andrew and him met at center ice to hug. 

He watched as everyone joined in the hug. Even Seth. 

Neil thinks he might’ve been crying as he watched.

He cried on the bus, knowing all he could do from now on was watch. Watch as the two boys he loved got drafted for the NHL, picked for the same team. 

He could only watch. He hated it.

It was safer this way.


	8. Epilogue: Five Years Later

Neil walked down the rows of bleachers. They were painted orange. Just like the ones in high school. Of course they had the same team colors. Neil suspected that was Kevin’s decision. 

He made his way toward the exit, already fishing out his cigarettes. 

He didn’t smoke. 

The smell would always remind him of his mom and of his time at Palmetto High School. He just liked to remember all the things life had denied him. It helped him cope with the inevitability of growing up.

He nearly dropped the pack as he spotted the pair of males that were bickering outside. They were a few years older, sure, but it was them without a doubt. 

Neil swallowed hard as Kevin spotted him over Andrew’s head. The cigarette packet was crushed in his hand.

“Holy shit,” he whispered. 

Why was he surprised? It was their hockey game. Of course they were here. What were they doing out here smoking right before a game, though? 

Neil had never been spotted.

Andrew turned around, ready to defend his boyfriend. He froze. 

“What the fuck?” 

“Um, hi.”

“Hi?” Kevin asked, stepping around Andrew despite the shorter man's attempts to stop him. “That’s it?” 

“How are you?” Neil offered.

“Just fine! Perfectly fine! Why the hell are you here Neil?” 

“I—I come to all your home games,” he said quietly, gesturing to the arena. 

“I told you,” Andrew said. “I told you I saw him before.” 

Neil couldn’t read him. He had no idea what the shorter male was thinking. He shifted in his spot uncomfortably. “I’m sorry. I won’t come anymore.” 

“W-Why didn’t you—I thought you had to leave?”

“It’s been five years, Kevin.”

Kevin exhaled slowly, losing his patience.Neil knew he wanted answers and he deserved that. They both did.

“I left the night of the game against Edgar Allen. A year later my father was released from prison. He found me. Gave me some new scars,” he said, pointing to his cheek. “Then he was killed...betrayed by his own men.” 

Neil tried not to smile at the memory. His father's death excited him. He cleared his throat. 

“After that, the FBI had some...questions. They helped me be Neil again. I...I was too scared to reach out after how everything ended,” Neil admitted. “I thought you would hate me after what I did.”

Kevin marched over to him, towering over him. For a split second Neil wondered if Kevin was going to hit him. Kevin’s actions were slow enough for Neil to stop him if he wanted. He wasn’t going to hit him. He kissed Neil. 

“Wha-What?” Neil asked dumbly. 

“Never got a goodbye kiss,” Kevin said with a dark blush. “Andrew said you gave him one. I never got mine.”

“Oh.” 

He kissed him again. 

“That was…?”

“A hello kiss,” he said with a small smile. “Can we...if Andrew wants...tomorrow I’d like to meet for coffee.”

Neil nodded, staring up at Kevin eagerly. 

People like Neil were never lucky. This wasn’t just luck. 

Neil wondered if hockey was magical enough to give him this. He suspected not, but knew that without hockey he’d never have fallen in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah yes. We come to the end of this lovely fic. 
> 
> This one was sooo much fun to write even if I said I never wanted to write a multi chapter fic again—I’m glad I wrote this one. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed. 🥰


End file.
